Gryffindor: You’re like a slinky, kind of useless, but I can’t help but smile when you fall down the stairs.

Hufflepuff: I hope you step on a lego..

Ravenclaw: I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see that you are unarmed.

Slytherin: I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to finish charging my phone.